"An fer ma third wish Diana, ah'll hae..."

 

It might surprise ye tae ken that ah wis a precocious wean, but ah wis actually, ah aye kept it in the fore o ma mind that if ah ever got offered three wishes, ah wis tae mind an make the third yin "Ah wish ah had anither three wishes..."

Course, ah never got offered ma three wishes, ah jist had tae dae wi whit life gave me, but that didnae stop me fae haein them ready fer whenever ma Fairy Godmother popped up (played by Diana Dors, that's a must, ah've pit a clause in the contract...)

Ma first wish wid aye hae been that Scotland had a government like every ither country... jist that, simple as. If ma wish came wi a Bonus it wid be that Scotland had never joined the Union in the first place, cos it has drained Scotland fae Day One, drained oor maist precious resource, oor people, an drainin away their national consciousness an their national pride, along wi aw oor earthly resources, oor land, oor seas, the very wind blawin ower oor heids. Scotland's been skewed fer 300 years, oor economy wrenched awways so that its output wis tae benefit an Empire that wisnae ours... 

Ah mind 'playin' in Leith Docks in the 1980s, ah used tae like gaun a walk doon there oan a nice night, it wis aw open then, an ah mind climbin ower the thousands an thousands o big steel pipes that were gettin delivered an stored in Leith. They were Chinese steel pipes, being shipped in in their thousands tae build a pipeline so the oil could be scooshed directly oot o Scotland double-quick... aw that wealth, an we watched it bein stolen fae us. We're still jist watchin oan...

Ma second wish wis aye gaunnae be that nuclear weapons didnae exist, the Bonus bein that they had never existed, so that they couldnae cast their pall ower us aw, their threat that we could be wiped oot at a minute's, a day's, a month's notice... ah used tae get very exerted ower that threat, ah couldnae believe how folk were jist gaun along wi it... ah still don't tbh, the only way ah understand it is the threat's too big, we cannae even comprehend whit's hingin ower the top o us...

Ah made sure ah wis doon in Cornwall fer the total eclipse in 1999, in a tent in a fairmer's field, gettin ripped off fer everythin. Sadly, though it wis sunny either side, we had cloud the day o the eclipse so we never saw its magic ring, but whit we did see wis the shadow, scuddin through the sky, illuminatin the clouds as it moved an makin them seem tae boil wi light, until we were right under an it wis pitch pitch black barrin a ring o light oan the horizon, then the shadow boiled across the sky again. Ah had an idea o the size o that shadow as it moved across the sky that we widnae hae got withoot the clouds. It made me feel really wee, ah've never felt sae wee... an ah don't think ah've felt big ever since. It worries me still that ither folk will get that feelin, but it'll be too late.

Ma third wish varied ower the years in a way, it started aff very mecentric, ah wished ah wisnae gay, simple as, jist cut it oot, stop it, bind it, smother it, dae whitever, jist get rid o it... but that changed, obviously. Ah got ower wishin fer the impossible an ma wish became that ither young gay folk widnae hae tae suffer whit ah did, that we could change that pairt o the world fer the better. Noo ah wisnae daft, long before ah ever spoke a word o gay oot ma mooth, ah had read whit ah could, and ma ears visibly pricked up ony time the subject wis ever discussed, ah wisnae cluless, but ah needed tae hear that fae anither human bein ah could trust. Ah found that through the Gay Switchboard, it gave me the confidence tae trust masel, an if ah'm proud o anythin ah've done it wis providin that same thing fer other young gay folk durin a decade oan Switchboard...

Sadly, gender, its stereotypin an its social control is still blightin young gay folks' lives, except now it's physically harmin them as well. Ah wis lucky, ah had a safe space, an it wis inside ma ain heid, so ah could wait till ah wis ready. Now, ah don't believe young folk are *allowed* a safe space inside their ain heid, ah think their formation o who they are is bein dragged oot intae the harsh glare o everybody else's views an expectations. This is nae improvement, no fer anybody, certainly no fer young gay folk... an the current gay conversion scandal that we're comin tae, couldnae hae happened without precocious sexualisation, it's a complete construction.

So.. so, there's ma three wishes, ah'm likely too late tae get any benefit, the shock wid probably kill me noo, but fer aw the time ah've had them, they're still ma three...

Aw shite! Ah forgot tae ask fer three mair, again!

Dae ye want tae ken whit ah think?

 

So ah watched Nicola yesterday, an maist o whit she said we've aw heard afore, except fer the bit aboot the plebescite election. That wis the game-chynger fer me, she's never spoke thae words afore, an she wis quite clear whit that plebescite election wid mean, the SNP standin oan one question, "Should Scotland be independent?" an the winnin post wid be winnin the general election in Scotland, gettin 30 seats oot o 59... a win she's awready managed oan the three practice runs in 2015, 17 an 19...

Ah know folk are gettin aw excited aboot the 19th o October 2023, but nothin happened yesterday that made that event any mair likely than it wis the day afore. The Unionists dinnae want it, so let's stand an watch them expend aw their energies oan stoppin it. They'll likely manage it an aw, it's the UK Court, ah mean, c'mon, oor brains didnae aw faw oot yesterday, they'll chuck everythin at it, so it should become clear quite soon that that 'roadmap' is fer a road we're no even oan, we're drivin right up that plebescite election road noo, an that's better, as ah keep sayin, we're only lookin fer the same result that we've delivered three times runnin...

The present Tory Government are content tae change Human Rights we thocht were as 'enshrined' as we could get, an they're daein oan the basis o winnin mair seats than the rest at a General Election. If there wis tae be a Labour landslide, then Kier Starmer could an wid change aw manner o laws, oan the basis o winnin mair seats at a General Election than the rest. That's the British State's preferred metric, Parliamentary sovereignty expressed through the ballot box by FPTP election, an if it's guid enough fer them then we should grab that blunt weapon by the handle...

There is one bit o yesterday that's escaped folk's attention though, so far, an that's whit happens the day efter the plebescite election Sturgeon jist made real by talkin aboot in public. Ye see, in another world, the yin where Johnson signs a Section 30 order an everythin's laid oot fine an dandy in a spirit o co-operation an friendship, then the day efter a Yes win at a referendum, they baith stand up an say "That's it decided then", an Johnson adds "It's a fair cop Guv, ye got me bang tae rights"... whereas in the world we now inhabit, this real world, the day efter the next General Election, the day efter a fourth landslide win fer the SNP, the First Minister is gaunnae hae tae stand up an declare "We won, we're independent", an she'll likely hae tae declare that *whispers the word* unilaterally...

The way ah see it we could get oorsels catapulted intae independence in gey short order, an that suits me fine, we're in a grave crisis as it is, an under the British it's only guaranteed tae get worse.

A wee confession...

 

Ah thocht seein as ah wis doon oan ma knees awready ah might as well offer up a wee confession, ah'm APAC, (that's Assigned Protestant At Christenin, keep up...), but fae a very early age ah knew ah had been born intae the wrong body o the kirk... but every time ah asked them, "Mum, how dae ye ken ah'm a Proddie?" they never answered properly... "Ye jist are", or "Cos ye go tae the Proddie school", or "Shush, listen tae that man in the long frock, he kens whit he's talkin aboot"... an so ah tried tae fit in, at the Sunday School, at the Bible Study, at the Scripture Union, in the choir oan Songs o Praise, at that Youth Club at the funny Evangelical Church at the tap o Cabrelli's Wynd, at the Mission on the Beach at St Andrews when we were in the caravan... an ah think ah might've got away wi it if it hadnae been fer that big finger pointin doon at me fae the sky wherever ah went... "Heathen! Get her!"

They're tryin tae retcon the Bible noo, sayin it wis pit th'gither by a bunch o auld men fae the odd ripped pages they used tae find in bushes, along wi a Letters page that could've done wi an Editor an an Appendix fu o auld proverbs... but ma mind's clear, ah can mind them tellin me that wis God's ain words, an gettin ma Granda an Grannie tae tell me they were showin me actual pictures o the Flood happenin! Now even they can tell they're fightin a losin battle... against CGI, naebody's impressed wi jist drawins noo, or 'windaes'...

So anyway, ah transitioned fae the Church o Scotland tae thinkin fer masel insteid. They can keep their 3-Spirit nonsense, they can keep their 'in the name o the Non-birthing Parent, the AMAB Child, and the They Who Must Not Be Dead-Named' rubbish, they can keep their 'innate sense of soul' crap... even that picture ma Granda used tae show me, they can keep their rainbow, that's nae mair a sign fae Stonewa-sorry, God than it is flee in the air, that's just a trick o the light.

Here endeth the lesson, noo let me get oan...

Why is a #gravybus season ticket sae long?

 

Dae ye mind that time 12 years ago when auld Mr Broon had fecked up the economy so that he lost the election, but David PigsHeid Cameron couldnae win the election, so he bought the Liberal Democrats aff. Noo the Liberal Democrats werenae aw as stupit as they looked, they werenae aw Danny Alexanders, they kent whit wis comin their way fae bein bought, or raither, selling thersels tae the Tories, particularly ower sellin oot their student voters an breakin the pledges they had aw signed, so, they had tae make sure they had electoral insurance...

Their insurance wis the 5-year Fixed Term Parliaments Act, which pit the next election aff as far as possible, but planted their next UK General Election slap-bang oan the the day o the next-but-yin Holyrood election, no the yin that wis still tae come in 2011, but the yin efter that, that wis due in 2015, so consequently Holyrood meekly shifted it's bum along tae 2016, giein thersels an extra year o power an salary, only a temporary move ah believe they said at the time...

But then of course, there wis a cooncil elections due in 2016, four years efter the yin that wis due in 2012, so they said we werenae bright enough fer twa elections at the same time an shifted that yin tae 2017, quietly addin another year oantae the cooncil terms, temporary of course...

But they never shifted them back.

An quietly an surreptitiously, Holyrood an every Cooncil in Scotland are suddenly runnin tae 5 year terms rather than the 4 year terms they were set up as... an meanwhile Westminster ditched the FTPA as soon as they didnae need it an we've had twa early elections an every prospect o anither yin cos the Tories like tae control events... they're no as daft as they look either...

So, the LibDems bein feart o the electoral consequences o sellin oot their voters, that's why the tickets you were buyin folk fer yesterday's #gravybus were 5-year season tickets... nae wonder they were smilin.

Naebody asked us if they could extend their terms, ah don't believe anybody ever stood up an said it oot loud, they jist did it oan the sly, bankin oan folk no noticin...

It's the dishonesty that gets me, every time...

Ringin in the New Year wi a Hum...

 

Ah've had this phrase ringin in ma lugs (along wi that dull hum ah'm gettin in ma left lug, ah wis pittin it doon tae some big engine comin fae the Docks, ah thocht it wis yin o the big ferries they had parked there durin the lockdown, but they're awa noo an the noise is still there... ) fer a few days, 'elective dictatorship'. Ah had it in ma mind that Jim Prior had said it aboot Maggie's government efter their landslide in '83, but when ah looked it seems it wis Lord Hailsham that coined it in the 70s, when he wis warnin o the dangers o a government wi a *slim* majority haein too much executive power, raither than the worries o haein a government wi a *huge* majority haein too much power. Ah guess the problem in the UK is that *any* government has too much power, it disnae maitter whit their majority is in the Palace o Fools...

Anyroads, that's where it come fae, but that's no why ah wis thinkin it, it kept comin tae ma mind when ah thought o Scotland's predicament, one we've fell intae despite plenty warnin, an one we're in danger o cementin in place, tae Scotland's detriment.

Withoot chewin ower aw the Devolution Settlement, in essence aw oor 'domestic' areas o government are covered by Holyrood an aw oor 'Affairs o State' are dealt wi in Westminster. We've got oorsels intae a fairly settled (though nothin's permanent in politics...) votin pattern o slim majority or near enough fer an easy coalition SNP government in Holyrood an huge tae massive 'majorities' o SNP MPs in Westminster.

This means we hae a 'domestic' government wi a slim majority, yet wi slim majority that looks able tae push stuff through that is demonstrably unpopular wi the voters, an wieldin powers beyond Holyrood that too few folk are aware o, an meanwhile oor representation in The Corridors of Powers over Affairs of State is... well, zilch really. We, through oor Stronger Voice for Scotland, hae next tae nae influence ower the areas o War, Statecraft, Macro-economics, Constitution, y'know, things every country dis.

Which leaves us in the strange situation o haein an 'elective dictatorship' o twa varieties, the 'untrammelled power wi a slim majority' kind, an the bizarre situation at the ither end wi nae feckin influence through the stonkin majorities o reps we send, yet because we take part in their elections, we get an we accept a government wi bugger aw support here, an yet the power tae stop an start everythin here, includin how we deal wi oor ain feckin Public Health... an that's a red-line fer me, it grinds ma gears that they're failin us oan Public Health, baith Holyrood an Westminster, Public Health is one o the very few justifications there is fer haein a feckin government in the first place, maist o the rest o oor lives we could get by withoot them, but it's infectious diseases we cannae fight individually an still live in a society...

An obviously, sae long as we sit in this ludicrous situation, it's the Big Brother we didnae vote fer that's stoppin us fae resolvin oor Democratic Quandary oan which everythin else rests, the Big Problem that showed its big smiley face oan the mornin o the 24th o June 2016, an promptly got sat oan. Ah'll say nae mair on that...

Ah've aye supported Holyrood as the obvious step forward fae Union tae Independence, it obviously made sense tae form a polity wi a parliament, an here ah thank the guid lord above fer Alex Salmond's genius stroke o properly namin the Scottish Government. We need tae remember that, there is only one Scottish Government.

But that support wisnae fer a devolved government under the British Union, no tae that, no ever, no thank you, either at 'this' level o devolution or at 'that' level o devolution, it is whit it is, aw devolution is maxxed-oot awreadys as far as ah'm concerned, it's the *retention* o the powers that nixes it, every time. Naw, we cannae stop here, no at this point oan Big Tam's motorway tae independence, ye cannae stop oan a motorway fer very guid reason, an when ye've got an 'elective dictatorship' juggernat oan the yin shooder an an 'unelective dictatorship' juggernaut bearin doon oan yer ither shooder, well, stop here an it's gaunnae get awfy messy, awfy quick...

Dinnae, ever, think a government is oan your side.

So there ah am standin at the bus-stop mindin ma ain business when he brushes past me an stoaps at th'ither end o the shelter, ah wis waitin oan the number 16 fae Oxgangs, ah'd feenished daein ma stairs fer the day an ah'd a lot tae be gettin oan wi afore ah had tae get ready tae go oot so ah'm lookin tae see where the bus is an here is he no lookin back at me, ah caught his een fer jist a second, ye ken how it is, an then ah looked awa an by the time ah looked back he's turned his heid awa but ah kept lookin efter that an ah wis awfy taken wi his een, how fast they were, they were aw ower the road an they gied him a shifty look like he wis bein chased or hunted an he wis lookin fer the nearest exit but we were standin at a bus-stop so that couldnae be it, mibbe he wis oan the lookoot fer somebody but he couldnae find them, ah dinne ken, but they had me wonderin aw the same, so ah'm wonderin aboot his een an watchin an here the bus comes along an he gets oan ahint me, but ah sat inside an he went up top...

So there ah am daein ma messages in the store, mindin ma ain business, when suddenly ah see him wi his basket up th'ither end o the breakfast cereals aisle, ah wis lookin fer some All-Bran cos ah like tae be regular, in fact ah think a had a box o it in ma hand an ma ither hand wis oan ma trolley when ah saw him lookin at me, ah looked intae his een fer jist a second, ken, jist long enough tae see them twinkle an then ah looked doon at ma All-Bran as it tumbled intae ma trolley in slow-motion an by the time ah looked up he wis steppin oot o sicht at the end o the Cornflakes, so ah'm aff an runnin an of course ah wid hae tae hae the trolley wi the wonky wheel, aye happens tae me, an by the time ah've wiggled an squeaked ma way up tae the Cornflakes he's awa, couldnae find him onywhere in the entire store ah wis up an doon thae aisles fer ages...

So there ah am standin up at the dancin mindin ma ain business waitin in a line when he brushes past me, an ah caught his shifty een, jist fer a second, it's funny cos ah had jist been thinkin aboot him, this gorgeous man that had caught me eye that very day at the bus-stop an then that ah saw again in the store jist a matter o hours since an ah wis thinkin o thae furtively keen een dartin aboot twinklin an flashin like diamonds an his soft wavy hair, jist a bit too long, jist cryin oot fer ma hands tae get run through it, an here he wis, jist brushin past me ootside the toilets at the dancin so ah gies up ma place in the line of course an ah follaes him back through tae the main hall an wid ye credit it he's vanished again, nae sign o him onywhere an so ah'm up n doon an ah'm oan ma third lap o the hall tryin tae find him when ah sees ma pal so ah goes up tae her an ah'm laughin by this time, laughin jist a bit hysterically as ah mind it an ah goes up tae her an ah'm tellin her aw aboot this man an how ah've got tae find him an how it's absolute fate we're meant tae be th'gither an aw aboot his lovely twinklin een an his lovely wavy hair when ah look roond an he's suddenly standin right next tae me, right there at ma shooder, cos here's the thing, he'd jist been tae the bar tae buy ma pal a drink, she drinks gin an tonic, an they'd only jist met in the line at the door tae get in so ah gies him a big grin an says Hullo! It's me! Me! D'ye no recognise me? an gies him a big kiss oan his lovely lips, ye should've seen the look oan his face...

Course that wis many years ago now but when ah look at him lyin ower there, flat-oot, lyin oan the settee, ah can still see that look, an thae beautiful furtively-twinklin shifty een...

What if we're looking at Holyrood the wrong way round..?

I've watched the setting up and positioning of the Independence for Scotland Party (ISP) with some interest, and fully sympathise with their ultimate aim of Independence for Scotland. As an SNP supporter and voter for the best part of 40 years this is of course what I wish to see more than anything, but have also watched, with some horror, the diversion of the SNP's energy and momentum by an entryist claque of Student Union types, a devotion to identity politics and a growing deafness to its own supporters, voters and even its own members as they try to avert an electoral disaster.

But the SNP's woes are for another time, what's on my mind today is the discussion playing out around the Holyrood parliament's electoral system. I see lots of exhortations to use my '2nd vote' wisely, rather than waste it on the SNP for no list seats, or waste it on the Unionists by giving them list seats. This is based on the SNP's predicted success on the '1st vote', in the constituencies, and has some roots in the "2nd vote Green" campaign of 2003 which led to our Rainbow Parliament of that year. The idea that some might call gaming the system but which is anyway creatively using both our votes to produce a particular desired outcome... kinda like normal voting, but doing it with a wink.

But what if we have the votes the wrong way round? What if we look at the 'list vote' as the 1st vote, and the constituency vote as the '2nd vote'? What if we *first vote* for the party we want to form the government, or be represented in the government, and *second vote* for which individual candidate on offer we want to represent us in the parliament. I don't think it says '1st vote' and '2nd vote' on the polling forms.

Then, when counting, we look at the parliament in terms of numbers of MSPs elected first, then which constituency candidates fill which seats before allocating the top-ups from the list. I'm not talking about how we actually count the actual votes cast, we still do that as today, but in terms of how we think about our votes. Instead of thinking all those SNP 'list votes' are wasted after electing the constituency candidates, think of those votes as justifying the constituency candidates their seats (perhaps because individually they don't justify their own election, but that's another story) and the remaining seats allocated at top-up are justified by the aim of the system which is to deliver a proportional parliament.

This may not sound like good news to the ISP (or Greens/SSPetc) because given the choice between a minority or majority SNP government, I think many of those parties' supporters would opt for a majority, it is certainly in reach as 2011 showed. Digression, it rips my knitting to hear that the AMS was designed to prevent the SNP ever getting a majority, when that was never true, but it is a system designed to prevent any party getting a majority *without a majority of votes*, it's a proportional system ffs, it says it on the box!

But, designed to prevent it or not, majority government IS possible (cf 2011) and a government with the energy of the one Alex Salmond led is an attractive thought. The idea of a minority government similar to the present one with a smaller party 'pushing them on' while simultaneously opposing them on fundamental policy issues less so...

I fear we undermine the proportional system we have in Holyrood when we talk of MSPs elected on the list having any less right to be there, and I fear we do that when we talk of them being elected on our '2nd vote', so what if that's our '1st vote'..?